Molting

A dear friend of mine is going through a difficult time right now. To call it a break-up is like calling the Haiti earthquake a tremble. We're talking about a life-altering, ego-crushing, painful situation that nobody should ever have to face. Although there were no vows involved, it's more akin to divorce than anything else.

I found two poems in my sketchbook from senior year. At that time I was getting over a high-school summer crush and my frustration came out in this way. My situation was just silly looking back and I can't even remember which boy this was about. The poems still ring-true to me regarding the emotional notes that I felt at the time. So these are for you my friend-- or anyone else who has faced and survived a painful relationship end.

The Beginning

Leaden worries weigh on weary shoulders of want.

Beauty invades heartache, uninvited.

Wind blown needles of ice stab holes in a protective sweater shell,

Forcing lowered eyes to meet a fresh beginning.

It stems from an end I prayed would never come.

(KEW October 2000)

Molting

As I walked outside today,

The pieces of you melted away.

And ruddy memories, like my foes,

I felt them squish between my toes!

A pebble or root that lay beneath,

Could not injure the moment, sweet.

Even your limp which swelled my knees,

Caressed away by a novel breeze.

The chill that passed upon my spine,

Invigorated my soul's heightened climb.

In flesh I descended unto these slats,

And rested there, true rest at last.

Underneath the boughs of pine,

Simplicity laced all through my mind.

Subtly a moon face warmed,

the tension that my face had worn.

Slowly, surely, and with resolve,

My skin of you began to dissolve.

(KEW February 2001)

Grateful

Grateful: warmly or deeply appreciative

William H. Channing: Symphony

"To live content with small means; To seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; To be worthy , not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; To study hard, think quietly, Talk gently, Act frankly; To listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; To bear all cheerfully, Do all bravely, Await occasions, Hurry never. In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common.
This is to be my symphony.

I'm not sure what it is about this morning, but when I looked outside and saw a beautiful blanket of snow AGAIN, I just couldn't resist a little pang of excitement. I know it's cold and yucky and messes up everyone's schedule, but regardless-- the snow is beautiful. It's been such a rare experience for me over the years that every time I see snow, I automatically get excited at the wonder and the beauty of the scenery. Like the fog, it covers all the little imperfections of the landscape and makes even the ugliest old shack seem romantic and peaceful.

I haven't posted in a while because I've been in a funk. I haven't sold many paintings recently, and somehow that ties in with my self confidence more than I would like for it to. I'm gearing up for a solo show and THE art festival of N.C., Artsplosure-- all in the same weekend in May. It's probably a good idea to hoard paintings right now so that I'm ready for my big spring!

Here is the latest fog painting-- finished a couple weeks ago. I am grateful to be a painter-- to see the way I see-- to feel emotions the way I feel them-- this is who I am, regardless of where I am and what I do for a living.

The verse above is something that my good friend, Vicki sent to me over a year ago. I tacked it to my fridge for months until we moved, and now I have the e-mail pasted into my journal. Recently I saw it in Oprah Magazine again and was reminded of how much I like it. I don't pretend to subscribe to the poem every day-- I wish I could live like that daily. It's more like I read it every once in a while and say-- oh yeah! I need to be more like that ... and I do need to... I think we all do. Life is just a succession of moments-- enjoy them, study them, ponder them, or ignore them and they'll fly by before we realize what we've lost.